This is such a strange, wonderful time.
I cannot tell you how SPECIFICALLY our prayers have been answered. I had been praying for a healthy boy, as young as possible. I almost felt guilty praying for a young baby. You think of all the children who need homes, and you think of what you want, and I felt like supressing my wants because they are ALL so worthy, and they ALL need mothers. And so I would move in and out of praying, "God, give me the child YOU have for me . . . (but please, could he be a young baby who is healthy?)
And I've come to find that my mother was praying for a baby without sticky attachments. And my MIL was praying for an orphan. Her heart was for a motherless/fatherless child to embrace and love as our own.
And that our baby has lived only 24 hrs of his life unaccounted for (I mean, we don't know day 1 of his life) but D came to Hannah's Hope when he was 2 days old, and has been receiving great, loving care, good nutrition, developmental stimulation, etc since he was 2 days old! He spent ONE NIGHT in an orphanage, and went straight to the most beautiful Hannah's Hope. I was even thanking God today for the baby picture we have of him. I have a photo of him when he was 2 days old, with puffy bloodshot eyes and chapped lips.
And goodness, how scared (and excited) I've been for today! I've heard that sometimes the referral photos can be a little uneasy--if the baby is skinny or frowning or zoning into space. What would I think when I saw the photo? How would I feel? Would I think "Really? That's him?" or would I think "YEP! THAT"S MY BOY!" or would I think "Awwww. He's kind of funny looking" or would I think "WOW, HE IS BEAUTIFUL".
So Julie e-mailed the info to me, I forwarded it to Curtis. We opened it together over the phone. And my first thought (in addition to tears) was, "How could THIS beautiful baby REALLY be mine? REALLY?"
Curtis (hubby) and I were dreaming last night of how this referral could be any better? (Our only idea after an hour of deliriousness was that baby D could have had a note attached to him saying: "I took prenatal vitamins every day, ate loads of healthy foods while prego, didn't drink while prego, and we have a medical history of X, Y, and Z."
BUT SERIOUSLY, i feel like God sent me a love-letter with this little life. With all my worries and anxiety and lack of trust and faith and feelings of unworthiness, that He blessed us with this baby, I am awestruck and humbled. How can I deserve this?
Why do we limit God so? Why do we brace ourselves for the tough path? Why do we fear blessing and hope? I am very full of praise . . . very thankful . . . very awestruck . . . very amazed.