This is such a strange, wonderful time.
I cannot tell you how SPECIFICALLY our prayers have been answered. I had been praying for a healthy boy, as young as possible. I almost felt guilty praying for a young baby. You think of all the children who need homes, and you think of what you want, and I felt like supressing my wants because they are ALL so worthy, and they ALL need mothers. And so I would move in and out of praying, "God, give me the child YOU have for me . . . (but please, could he be a young baby who is healthy?)
And I've come to find that my mother was praying for a baby without sticky attachments. And my MIL was praying for an orphan. Her heart was for a motherless/fatherless child to embrace and love as our own.
And that our baby has lived only 24 hrs of his life unaccounted for (I mean, we don't know day 1 of his life) but D came to Hannah's Hope when he was 2 days old, and has been receiving great, loving care, good nutrition, developmental stimulation, etc since he was 2 days old! He spent ONE NIGHT in an orphanage, and went straight to the most beautiful Hannah's Hope. I was even thanking God today for the baby picture we have of him. I have a photo of him when he was 2 days old, with puffy bloodshot eyes and chapped lips.
And goodness, how scared (and excited) I've been for today! I've heard that sometimes the referral photos can be a little uneasy--if the baby is skinny or frowning or zoning into space. What would I think when I saw the photo? How would I feel? Would I think "Really? That's him?" or would I think "YEP! THAT"S MY BOY!" or would I think "Awwww. He's kind of funny looking" or would I think "WOW, HE IS BEAUTIFUL".
So Julie e-mailed the info to me, I forwarded it to Curtis. We opened it together over the phone. And my first thought (in addition to tears) was, "How could THIS beautiful baby REALLY be mine? REALLY?"
Curtis (hubby) and I were dreaming last night of how this referral could be any better? (Our only idea after an hour of deliriousness was that baby D could have had a note attached to him saying: "I took prenatal vitamins every day, ate loads of healthy foods while prego, didn't drink while prego, and we have a medical history of X, Y, and Z."
BUT SERIOUSLY, i feel like God sent me a love-letter with this little life. With all my worries and anxiety and lack of trust and faith and feelings of unworthiness, that He blessed us with this baby, I am awestruck and humbled. How can I deserve this?
Why do we limit God so? Why do we brace ourselves for the tough path? Why do we fear blessing and hope? I am very full of praise . . . very thankful . . . very awestruck . . . very amazed.
9 comments:
I am so excited for you guys!!!! God is sooooo good!
Fabulous news!! A little little one! God is good all the time.
He sounds incredible! I can't wait to hear more! How big is he... Julie said he's a big boy, so I'm dying to know! Does he have precious, chubby cheeks??? Can't wait to hear more details when you're ready! Congratulations!
Praise God!!! I am celebrating with you (and I don't even know you).I am so thankful for AGCI! I bet you have such peace knowing your baby is there.
Michelle
Your limiting God comment really struck me. I have been really trying not to limit God throughout this process with my own plans and hopes, but as humans that can be so hard. How can we grasp the reality that He is all powerful, can do anything, and knows what is best for us and our family? What a blessing to have your prayers so specifically answered. I wonder though, does God lay those things on our heart knowing already what he is going to do and we think the prayers are all our own? As you can tell, I have been thinking about this a lot lately as we travel our own journey.
I am so thankful for your little D and your peace in the knowledge that he has been well cared for his whole life! Good luck with all the acceptance paperwork.
Amy
God is wonderful. I am sure that you are very calm knowing that baby D has being in HH since day 2 of his life. That is a blessing.
Congratulations!!!!!! It's the Mastrella's from OCEAN!!!!!! I know how you feel! We just got our referral Feb. 29th!!!! I'm so excited for you guys and I have been keeping tabs on your blog! I hope we get to travel together!!!! Wouldn't that be great! Just wait till you get the next packet:) I'm so happy for you all!
Amanda and Phil
Oh how incredibly exciting!!! I love that God hears our prayers, but also knows what is best for us! He is so good and sovereign! Congratulations on your baby D. Just think our little boys are hanging out together at HH! I just love that. Our prayers are w/ you and all of those in this incredible process!
Kristin
It's so strange that we should put limitations on the gifts that God could possibly give us... the same God that died on a Cross for us so that we might live! I find myself sometimes not even voicing my own desires to Him, and just spell out the lowest common denominator hopes and dreams because I don't trust that He'll really give me the desires of my heart. What unbelief!
Your gorgeous little man is an exquisite gift of love for you straight from Heaven!
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