Misc

Sitting here trying to figure out what to write . . .

I did fast last Thursday, along with others from our agency. In all honesty, it was not that difficult for me, except the last 2 hours when I was dizzy. I haven't had a great appetite anyway. I didn't receive any lightening bolt from the Lord, but that's ok, because I know God doesn't always respond to us quickly, and I know that just because I didn't see an immediate response from Him doesn't mean He isn't working. I am planning to fast again this Thursday.

I took a little hiatus and stayed at a friend's house for a few days last week. i am . . . grieving . . i guess. another travel group was announced and i am SOO excited for my neighbor and friend Carrie, who is headed off in July to meet her son. And Anissa and Adanise too. Really, I am truly happy for you all.

On a different note, my hubby signed a huge contract this week, and I'm REALLY proud of him. He's been working on THIS for a long time.

Also, my nuggets are delightful, and I've had some great breakthroughs with both of them this week. We finished our "teamwork chart" where either of them can earn a sticker on a joint chart for being a good helper/teammember to the other. The reward: YOGURTLAND. :) yum.

Been reading an excellent book: Siblings without Rivalry. Stick around for the book review next post. I think its really equipped me in new ways.

Z has been reading for a while now, but has not been too interested in books, just words/phrases, and prefers me reading to him. So, as motivation, I found a place to download certificates, and I told him that we'd take a trip to Legoland once he's earned 5 certificates (he needs to read a book 30+ pages to get a certificate). He's already earned one, and is very eager to keep going!

R is delightful, and I was just thinking today that she hasn't been sick in SOOO long. She really had so many ear infections as a little nug, and she's been hospitalized 3 times in her 3 years of life for high fevers, and these days she is healthy and happy and dancing and singing.

The kids wake up in the mornings and play together for a good hour before melting, so much so that C and I slept in on Sat till 9:30!!

I try to fixate on all these things, and not dwell on what my heart misses.

fasting . . . and selah

A group of AGCI folks have joined together to fast for those of us with adoptions hanging in limbo. (Some of the people who we are praying for are me, Sharon, the 3rd AGCI family going through this delay, a gal named Robin, and many others who are adopting from Guatemala and their children are stuck in PGN). This is a prayer fast, and it starts tonight (Wed) at 8 pm PST and will go until the same time tomorrow. I can't tell you how much this has encouraged me, that people who I only know through bloggerville and Yahoo list serves have voluntarily set aside a day to fast for our adoption.

There is a specific reason to pray, because it is a minute possibility we might be able to squeeze through a loophole (maybe), but it will honestly take a miracle.

I've never fasted before, have you? I am glad to be doing SOMETHING, rather than continuing to sit here. But I have to be honest that I feel completely exhausted in my prayers. I cannot beg God anymore than I already have. I have no new way to phrase my feelings, to present them to God, no new insights into why or how or when. I do NOT feel far from God right now. What I feel is: tired.

I need some sort of [selah]. i don't know what it would look like, or if, in limbo, it is even possible to attain. but perhaps this fast will help.

avoiding the blog

Ah-hem. Well, yes, I've been avoiding the blog. I mean, when you're messy and manic is the blog reeeeally the best place to go?

Tomorrow is Monday. I expect to hear something like this:
"I don't have any updates to give you, but I'll let you know as soon as I hear anything." (this is what i've heard the last 4 mondays)

tick tock, tick tock.

Monday will also be 91 days of waiting. closer and closer to the court closure.

I also fear that another travel group will be announced. Of course I don't wish anyone not to go (let's bring ALL the babies home!) but I think my heart will have trouble absorbing it when (note I did not say if) we get skipped, for the 5th time.

Gollie I am trying to chin up and have great faith and not whine, etc. But i thought last week i might not get out of bed i was so depressed (thank goodness for Sharon). What can I say? just keep praying please. thanks so much for rooting for us. i'll obviously post if there is news.

family portrait

We have great neighbors!! The P's daughter, Ramie (8),

drew this family portrait for me!! It makes me happy.

No news today from AGCI, so we wait until Monday.

please pray

If you happen to read this email on Thursday, please pray for a meeting scheduled between affected parties in Eth. sorry i can't be more specific. pray the meeting happens. pray pray pray for Almaz!!! pray for favor with officials.

Book Review: Middlesex

A great read. I really enjoyed this novel.

If you liked The Invisible Man, 100 Years of Solitude, The House of the Spirits, The Color Purple, The Known World, then you will like this book.

I would put it in the 'post-modern fiction' category. Winner of the Pulitzer Prize, Middlesex is fantastically written--the language is super clever (love his description of the Greek celebration over Mike Dukakis--and their shame in his defeat) and super descriptive, with excellent character development.

Here is the description off Amazon:

"I was born twice: first, as a baby girl, on a remarkably smogless Detroit day in January of 1960; and then again, as a teenage boy, in an emergency room near Petoskey, Michigan, in August of 1974." And so begins Middlesex, the mesmerizing saga of a near-mythic Greek American family and the "roller-coaster ride of a single gene through time." The odd but utterly believable story of Cal Stephanides, and how this 41-year-old hermaphrodite was raised as Calliope, is at the tender heart of this long-awaited second novel from Jeffrey Eugenides, whose elegant and haunting 1993 debut, The Virgin Suicides, remains one of the finest first novels of recent memory."

OK, me again. So the book is about so much more than Cal's discovery of his hermaphrodite-ness. There is a lot of interesting historical fiction imbedded throughout, tracing back to his grandparents flight from Greece as the Turks were invading, their immigration through Ellis Island, settling in Detroit during the 1910s with the boom of the assembly line, through speakeasys and the roaring 20s, to the Great Depression and WWII, and the love affair between his parents, his birth as a XY chromozone mistaken for a 'normal girl' with girl parts, nurtured as a girl, to puberty and his discovery.

It is not a 'light' read, but it is very interesting. I think what I appreciated most about the book was the journey--you come to really know these characters, not just Cal, but his father, and his grandmother, and his mother, and many others, you see how they all cope, how they make choices, how they rejoice and suffer, how they tick (in healthy and unhealthy ways).

blogs

OK, so here's the thing. you never know with blogs who is reading. so, i'm being cautious and making a few changes.

hopeful news

[gasp! i'm posting twice in one day!?]

so talked to AGCI today and have hopeful news. again, i'm going to be discreet here. BUT would you please pray for:

a). we have a court date scheduled for Friday, June 20. PLEASE pray that we pass court. it would mean D is officially a Yates and that we have made it in before the court closure!!

We were told that IF we pass court, and IF other things happen, we would travel 2-3 weeks later (which puts us in the beginning of July). Oh God please!!

my two men!

Happy Father's Day to the two men in my life!!

Here are some things I love about my Pop:

1). He is analytical and hard working

2.) He's patient

3). When he's tired, he rubs his hair all shaggy.

4. He is an awesome problem solver

5. He loves fishing, outdoors, boating, looking for satellites, shooting grapes on toothpicks

6. He loves my nuggets a LOT, and is willing to get on the floor with them and play all sorts of games, projects, activities

7. Whenever he's describing a complicated thing, he gets out a pen and notepad and starts scribbling a picture or diagram

8. he not a schmoozer

9. slow & steady, calculated, articulate, purposeful, searching for God's hand in things

10. he is super knowledgeable about kids & education & neurological & behavioral things, and so a constant resource for me in understanding, teaching, raising and training my kids.

And for my other man, my hubby, here are some things I love about C:

1. he ALWAYS tells the truth

2. he is extrememly loyal and keeps in touch with friends from all walks of life, from all ages of his life

3. he's a hands on dad who really enjoys playing and hanging out with his kids

4. he's not a chauvenist in the least--i mean, he isn't hung up on male/female roles, so long as the job gets done.

5. he is a DO-ER. gets things done. he's also super competative and loves sports.

6. he is amazing at trival pursuit, scrabble, and most every board game (except i always beat him at chess) and truly is a walking palm pilot--has a memory of steel!

7. he's a voracious reader and extremely articulate and thoughtful in his presentation of thoughts/points/arguments

8. he is purposeful in everything he does

9. every morning he lets me sleep in while he gets up with the kids, feeds them and does a devotional time with them

10. he is tidy and clean (i know that is practical, but i couldn't imagine living with a slob)

Where is Luke Skywalker?

Z: Mom, do you happen to have Luke Skywalker's phone number?

Me: no, pumpkin, i'm afraid i don't.

Z: Was Luke Skywalker alive in the old days, like George Washington?

Me: Um . . . we should ask your dad, I'm not really sure.

Z: Was he around during the Civil War?

Me: Um . . . well, I don't know a lot about Star Wars, but i think Luke Skywalker might be from the future?

Z: [gasp!]

you should have SEEN his face!! it was priceless shock! then it moved to serious contemplation: 'how is that possible?'

[of course C educated me later that Luke Skywalker is from a long, long time ago in a galaxy far, far away]

struck down, but not destroyed

There was more news today.

Both Sharon & I were hopeful. The pendulum swung UP. (but you know what happens when it goes up? . . . . it comes back down . . . )

Today was not great news. It doesn't look like we will be bringing our boy home anytime soon, apart from a miracle. Will we EVENTUALLY get him? yes, hopefully. anytime soon? no.

"We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair, persecuted, but not forsaken, struck down, but not destroyed, always carrying in the body the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies." 2 Corinthians 4:8-10

I don't know how to DO this. To keep moving and believing and not give in to worry and self-pity. But I am going to try.

I keep thinking: I can't GET this time back, babyhood with D. Time is passing and I can't get it back. I have now been waiting to travel 80 days.

hopeful people & craigslist

I've been so inspired these last two days by the many cool people in the world, people whom I have never met, and people who I would consider wonderful friends.

I am so lucky to have so many great people around me. I feel VERY supported and loved. We have a great church, with a wonderful young families class (though we still can't decide on what to call ourselves. it was once proposed that we were Families with Young Children with at Least One Parent Born in the 1970s). Anyway, this group has prayed and prayed and prayed for us and our adoption.

Also, we live on a GREAT street. I live across the street from Erin, and next door to Carrie, and they rock.

Also, we have wonderful family. Both C & I come from Christian families who have loads of faith even when things don't make sense and are hard to swallow. I have been especially thankful for Allison (my SIL) who is such a cheerleader for us, and also for my mom who has been calling me and checking in, and for my MIL who brought us a meal last weekend 'just because.'

I LOVE all the AGCI families, my blogger buddies, and the yahoo groups list-serve that is continually sharing and praying for eachother.

I have gotten SO many wonderful phonecalls and emails from so many loving, thoughtful friends. Kristy, Jenn, Susan, Laurie, Susan, Kelly, Christy, Crystal, CoCo, Becka, Kristin, Michelle, SHARON (SHARON, you have been the greatest encouragement!). And I'm sorry if I left out anyone. I am truly blessed. THANK YOU!

As IF that wasn't enough, I posted the following on Orange County craigslist:
"I NEED FORMULA. We are traveling to Ethiopia to pick up our infant son, and I want to supply his orphanage with formula to care for the babies. Do you have formula you can donate? If so, please email or call 555-555-5555 and ask for Karen."

Would you believe I have collected over 12 cans of DONATED formula?! from generous people that i don't know who want to bless HH just because. WHAT encouragement!!

It's hard to wait

Lots of different emotions in the past week.

When I am analytical and rational I am ok. I know that God's timing is perfect. I know that He does nothing by accident. I know that this is not 'over'. I claim the promises that God led us to adopt, that He led us to adopt right now, that He is working ALL the time, even when we can't see it. I can even be optimistic. I've thought:

-maybe now we'll get to travel with Carrie & Danny. Oh that would be wonderful!
-at LEAST D is at Hannah's Hope receiving such wonderful care!
-at LEAST D is only 15 weeks old--he wont remember any of this and even if we have months of setback, he'll still be a baby.

BUT, I am not always able to think rationally. My love for D has been on a steady crescendo for many months. So much so that in all truth I thought a week ago, when my phone was ringing and I saw it was AGCI, I thought, YES! THIS IS IT!! OUR TRAVEL CALL! and it was not at all anything close. I am very emotional--easily triggered to tears.

It dawned on me today that D might very well cut his first tooth (or two) before I meet him. It dawned on me today that he wont use the moses basket, and I'll probably need to lower the crib one level, since he might be sitting up by the time we meet him. I realized that he probably will never use the infant bathtub. He is growing bigger and bigger as i sit here in my glorified closet (my 'office') completely unable to do anything. The ONLY thing I can do is pray. I know that it is the biggest thing I can do, but it doesn't feel very active.

We have had no new news since Tuesday. It is very difficult not knowing anything. In the exasperated words of my 3 year old, "It's HARD to wait!" But I'm trying to chin up, live my life with my beautiful nuggets & sexy DH (darling husband), and stay optimistic. Thanks for your continued prayers. Let's pray this boy home!

Several weekends ago we took the kids to Boomers. TOO much fun!! First, did you know that miniature golf is FREE for children under 5? YEP. We played 18 holes of golf for FREE and the kids loved it! :)

We also spent $5 for Z to ride the cars. He was the youngest kid out there, but I was SO proud of him. I wasn't sure if he'd be able to steer and push the gas and use the brake (they had to put a pillow behind his back so he could reach), but he was AWESOME! He was passing people and had the most intense look on his face! (my little competator!)

R got two holes in one! We were SERIOUSLY impressed with her golfing abilities! She must take after daddy!!

Gas Prices!

Good gollie. You know times are tough when COSTCO gas is $4.31 a gallon. i need a hybrid.

btw, you should have SEEN the line of SUVs waiting their turn!!

did NOT pass court

Some of you may have already read this in an email, but I just don't have loads of energy, so I'm posting it here too.

Dear friends,

Well, we did NOT make it through court. D is not officially a Yates.

I often fear that if I tell the hard parts of this adoption, that folks
might think we regret doing it, or that 'this is why you shouldn't do it".
You know, this is a TINY inconvenience when i consider the life we will have
with Daniel. If you are achey and uncomfortable and moody and barfing and
your dr puts you on bedrest, it never crosses your mind: oh, i wish i wasn't
doing this, or oh, we made a big mistake. your thought is: this sucks, but
it will be worth it when i see my baby's fingers and toes.

please continue to pray. i fear that we might miss the court closure.

updates

First, thanks so much to Dee Dee, who gave us some new photos of D!! And several of him smiling! He looks so BIG in these photos!

We've had some intense thoughts these last few days. I wouldn't say they're over. I feel a little like I've been clubbed over the head. But I DO feel exponentially more hopeful!! Thanks to all of you who are praying. Please continue to do so. I would write more details, but I don't know who is reading this blog, and we've been advised not to share too much.