Last night, while getting my hair cut, I overheard a salon of women talking Fifty.
At the park, some women discussing Fifty.
Unless you've been in hiding, you've heard of the phenom that is 'mommy porn.' Fifty Shades of Grey, by E. L. James, a BDSM erotic fiction trilogy, is rocking the book industry. Reaching number one on the New York Times Bestseller List and topping it for the last three months (largely by discreet e-book downloads), I walked past it in the grocery store two weeks ago. Even though it's already banned in libraries in 3 states, women are reading it while they fill gas. Moms ages 30-50 are using it to revive their libidos.
ABC News describes the plotline of the trilogy:
"Anastasia Steele, 21, and a virginal college student, can't say no to dashing 27-year-old Christian Grey, who insists she sign a contract that allows him to submit her to his every sadomasochistic whim. In their first sexual encounter, Grey unveils his silver tie and binds her wrists in knots, and Steele does as she is told. He is also fabulously rich, a telecommunications tycoon, and uses his wealth to take care of her like a pampered princess. "Ana," as he calls her, willingly and excitedly agrees to spanking, whipping and gagging, with props like ice, rope, tape -- a repertoire right out of a BDSM [bondage, discipline, dominance and submission] manual. Grey instructs her to call him, "sir," and sets rules on everything from her diet to her most intimate grooming routines."
Until today I chose to keep my head in the sand. And cover my eyes with a pillow. And put earmuffs over my ears. I just wanted it to go away.
But today it hit me. Friends, it is NOT going anywhere. It will not blow over.
In fact, this is probably the beginning. There's going to be an infiltration. An invasion of this book and its aftermath will soon impact marriages, friendships, communities, and businesses. You will be unable to avoid it. 14 year-olds are going to secretly sneak into their mom's room and read its pages. Pornography downloads and purchases will rise. Misogyny will heap burning coals on your sister, your cousin, and your best friend. Men (not all men) will take advantage of a reader's newfound sexual confidence. Women will believe a loving sexual relationship involves rope, whips, and dominance. 40 somethings will compromise 'a little fantasy doesn't hurt anyone' and perhaps even think, 'this has actually helped my marriage' (aka. I finally want to have sex again). Images will seep into minds for the long haul, waiting until a weak moment where they can creep in and cause dissatisfaction, lust, or carnal selfishness.
Already the book is having an impact. One of the top erotica publishers reported at the end of April a 250% increase in e-book sales. Sales of BDSM accessories and toys are spiking. And now that Universal Pictures has movie rights, we can expect erotic fiction in the form of porn in movie theatres across the country.
I am not trying to be dramatic. I'm simply saying we need to be prepared for what the Economist expects will come, "the glut of mommy porn."
From what I've read, people on the other side of the spectrum, people who practice BDSM, watch hard porn, and/or read erotic fiction, they claim this book is supposedly 'not that bad.' I wouldn't know. What I do know is that millions upon millions of women are reading it, and millions more are talking about it. Millions of dollars are being poured into the erotic fiction industry, and millions of dollars are flooding the explicit sex market. This cart is rolling down the hill, and we don't know how long it's going to fly and all the damage it will do in the process.
As a mother of three children, I'm likely raising my sons to be someone's lover, husband, father, and best friend. My daughter too, is learning how to be her husband's wife. And all around them are compromised, loosened sexual content. It's on the TV, on the radio, in bookstores, on the baseball field and next to the Trident at the grocery store check out. A few months ago when I was face-painting for our city an 11 year-old asked to have 'Sexy and I Know It' etched on her cheek. (goodbye unicorns). Turn on a baseball game and you'll enjoy the not-so-pleasant duty of educating your child about Cialis.
Sex sells, and while we can take steps as parents to guard what comes into our homes, we cannot, unfortunately, completely isolate our children from the avid sexual images around them.
Fifty is only going to make this worse.
We need to be prepared.
The rulebook that navigates my life as a Jesus follower is that of the Holy Bible. For most of my readers, you too also have that compass. Yet I understand there are many people who do not live their life under that constitution, and I have many amazing friends who are of no faith or of a different faith. I must be ready to take a stand in this conversation. We (you and me) must be wise, educated, and engaged to speak into the movement, and we need to have more than Bible verses under our belt. We need to be able to discuss, dialogue, and challenge our culture as to why we think these books and what they stand for negatively impact our communities. We need to be able to explain why this book is not good for the soul, why it will harm your marriage instead of help it, why a carnal pleasure for a moment is not worth the lasting psychological harm.
44 comments:
Honestly, I haven't even heard of this yet. The description of it leaves me wondering what the draw is. I can't believe that in this world of feminism and women's "choice" that this kind of fiction would be embraced. Sounds demeaning and demoralizing.
I'm saddened that it's coming into "main-stream" media, but not surprised. I'd be surprised if people with a moral compass would pick it up, but Satan has a way of infiltrating discreetly - using friends and word of mouth to make things seem not-so-bad.
But our God is a Redeemer and can redeem even the most saddening and addicting sins. He can redeem this.
I'm reminded that Satan can only use the images that I allow into my head. I'll teach my children how to keep their heads pure, and continue to equip my sons and daughter for a fight as they grow.
Karen,
I love your passion and how well you articulate this. I've been a bit like you were, aware that this was happening but not thrilled to jump in. I absolutely love that you give action points for various leaders and encourage readers to take this seriously. Thanks so much!
Thank you SO much for writing about this Karen. I have been shocked at how many of my Christian girlfriends are reading these books. The Lord says to "Guard your hearts above ALL else" right? Super scary stuff.
thank you so much for this post. i heard some relatives talking about it not too long ago. saying how it had spiced things up for them in the bedroom. while i stood near not even knowing what to say...having been a victim as a teenager and dealt with addictions throughout my marriage. i am saddened to think that those around me, especially those in the church think that this is ok. it is not. and don't even get me started on letting your daughters read this trash. thank you! thank you for beingh bold and taking a stand.
Had heard the title, had NO idea what it was about. (No, my head wasn't in sand, it was in Mexico!)
We have only been back to the US now for two weeks and all I can say is my heart is so heavy; sometimes I simply want to stand still and weep at what surrounds me, not necessarily materially, but morally, ethically, even in the name of Christianity, etc.
Fire in my bones shouts amen to your admonishment to preach, write, and speak up. And when my own dust settles down, I will be very active doing just that.
BTW, for what it's worth, BDSM is an active part of occultic practice, especially Satanists. Talk to anyone freed by Christ from that hellish lifestyle and they will verify.
Thank you - this was excellent.
I totally agree. So many things you wrote I hadn't thought of to that extent. While I haven't read the book - On purpose - I've heard enough about it to know it is "mommy porn" and will only breed darkness and addiction. Thank you. Btw, I miss you and would love to talk sometime soon!!! I appreciate you as a woman and friend and mother!!!
Wow. I had not read a description of the book. So that was mind blowing to me. I need to marinate. Thanks for the exhortation and well thought out article!
I really appreciate you sharing this. I've seen so many women reading this book and honestly didn't really know what it was about.
In the past couple of years pornography has wreaked havoc on many marriages close to us. Just total devastation. I've started to feel like it's everywhere. The illusion is that it's a personal decision that affects only the participant (which would be sad enough). But the reality is that it DESTROYS marriages and parenting relationships and friendships and churches...and breaks fellowship with Him. Not beyond healing...because God redeems and forgives and renews...but the damage we've seen has been HUGE.
It absolutely breaks my heart and sickens my stomach to think of women reading this and/or thinking it will improve their sex life. And I'm totally in favor of working toward incredible sex within marriage. But when Satan twists and poisons what God has meant to be beautiful, amazing, self-sacrificial and good...the results are dangerous and enslaving.
Besides the fact that this kind of sexual bondage is a reality for many many MANY young women (and men) around the world and it is something we should be fighting against, not "enjoying" as a form of entertainment.
I'm probably more open than some in what I will read...I believe it can be worth it to read some literature with negative aspects, filtered through the lens of Scripture...and I'm usually one who wants to read the book myself (with the help of the Holy Spirit) before coming to any conclusions but the potential damage of this seems too great.
Thanks for being willing to share this...
E. L. James is a huge Stephenie Meyer fan (Twilight). Fifty Shades is essentially fan fiction taken to the next (disgusting) level. Both books can lead undiscerning girls and frustrated women to freely give up their dignity, self-worth, and (in the case of Bella) their life. All for the perceived love of a boy. Pfft. I've actually read the books in question, by the way. While Twilight was somewhat entertaining (Meyer's sophomoric writing style was tolerable considering the main character is a high school student and the book was written in first person, plus if one tried hard enough they could draw decent moral inferences from the Cullens, not Bella, though). James' book, however, is an outright hot mess. Putting the BDSM-theme aside (for now), the book is riddled with horrendous writing, unbelievable characters, an exorbitant use of "Oh my" (which sounds like something a grandmother, not a 21-year-old college student, would say), and is altogether boring! She even gets minor facts wrong: "My inner goddess is doing the merengue with some salsa moves." That's plain wrong. Yet women are willing to put their literary minds in bondage and submit to poor (in every sense) writing. For what? Clearly there is a desperation that goes beyond wanting to spice things up. These women are tired. They work hard. And their passions are stifled. Perhaps their men don't care for them financially, emotionally, physically, spiritually. Perhaps their men have become soft and passive. And that is where the solution lies--in acknowledging that we've strayed so far from God's plan for loving relationships that we've resorted to this. Fifty Shades of Hollow Relationships.
Thank you for the comments everyone! There were so many avenues I could have gone with this post. WHY are women reading this, and why are Christian women particularly reading this? (Sandra, you're onto something). I could have talked about the degregation of women and reality of sexual abuse, physical abuse, and psychological abuse. (Sheli and Kara, so hard.) (I believe I read that the main character Christian Grey was someone's 'submissive' himself, which is why he turns around and does it to Ana). I decided instead, to go down the path of pointing out how these books, even if we choose not to read them, ARE going to affect us, and we need to be equipped and prepared to take a stand and give a response. Because I really don't hear many Christians talking about this book (except in whispers) and haven't seen many Christian publications or articles or bloggers try to address it (except the ones I referenced). If you have read a Christian blogger or article or publication (a well known one) about it, would you post it here in the comments section? Grateful for your voice(s) on this. Keep 'em coming.
Im new to your blog, actually a friend sent me this way because she knows I have read the "shades" trilogy.
I realize you have the right to remove any posts, and perhaps you'll delete mine, but Ill give my thoughts anyhow....
When I first heard of the books, I had no interest in reading them, for several reasons, but the strongest was hearing that it had a sadomasochism/bondage theme..... I dont "get it", and it makes me sick.
I was away with a group of moms and read the first chapter, and kept reading....and have actually found the books very interesting.
Let me take a step back and say that I am a Christian with a strong faith and a close relationship with Jesus. I am a mother, and raise my children with conservative, traditional values.
I also spend most of my days (and have for the better part of 25 years) dealing with child abuse, drug use, prostitution and psychological trauma.
While I cling to Gods Word to think on things that are holy, pure and true.....I also work as a social worker/therapist and spend a lot of my work hours focused on societal evils.
I have taken my life purpose from the parable of the sower, and hope that each day I help to find the thorns, rocks and weeds in peoples hearts, and help to remove them. I seek to help till the soil of the heart, removing the hardness, and allowing it to be a place where God's word can take root and blossom.
Back to my thoughts on the books......
I found myself intrigued, and even hopeful, about the relationship between the main characters.
It wasnt a "S&M" book, it was a story about an abuse victim who doesnt think he is worthy of love. It is about the changing of a human heart...who learns to love, instead of hurt.
The main character lived his early years much like many of my own clients...with a drug addict parent and a string of abusive men....ending up in the foster care system.
The book is fiction, it's not that well written, and it's got plenty of aspects to criticize.
But, if you can get past the worldly ills, you see a story where a man learns that he is lovable and you see a woman soften and change him.
Now, some may advise to just avoid all things sinful and evil....and I look forward for the day when we can do that. But for now, we live in a fallen world, filled with pain, sin and destruction.
As someone that spends a great deal of time dealing with the impact of sin in our world, I actually enjoyed reading about one character, who through a woman that loves him, finds that he does not need to connect through pain, but can put his past behind him and learn to love.
Hi Karen,
You're right. The Fifty Shades isn't going anywhere. I wrote post about it a month ago here: http://hgscott.com/lets-talk-about-sex-and-sadism/. I think the big problem we have to worry about is what this says about what we desire. Our desires are supposed to be, foremost, for God and his Purposes. Why are women desiring this, and what does that say about the condition of their souls?
Sheila Wray Gregoire of TO Love Honor and Vacuum has written an excellent post: http://tolovehonorandvacuum.com/2012/06/wifey-wednesday-50-shades-of-grey-is-bad-for-your-marriage/
This was very timely and very much needed! Thank you for posting it.
Great article, Karen!
@anonymous: I get what you're saying, and I also work with abuse victims. I have NOT read the books, but don't you think what you found hopeful is part of the problem for many women? That they submit themselves to abusive relationships in hopes that they are going to rescue/change the abuser? Seems like the classic abuse cycle to me.
@Anonymous, thanks for your post and the way you thoughtfully shared it. I'm all for discourse!
While there might be a redeeming (healing) element in two broken people finding love together, I don't think the benefit is worth the cost/risk to the reader's frame of mind. You are a social worker/therapist and are trained to see the difference between heathy and not healthy. Most of the people reading this book are not. We are sending mixed messages to women about what is a good man (and what they deserve) and what is a healthy relationship.
I also think its interesting to note that a lot of the Christian women I know reading this book are doing so in secret. That they feel they need to hide it is probably an indication they know it isn't good for them (or that it's beneath them).
As I understand it, this book carries the same storyline or theme as the Twilight series. I therefore assume that it is not the storyline or theme that is objectionable, but the sexual nature of the new version.
If that is true, do you think the danger lies in erotica generally, or in the BDSM nature of this particular book? Personally, I find the BDSM aspects of the book bothersome, as I don't really understand the arguments that these themes communicate a larger message about trust or love. I find them distasteful and I agree with those who think that submission undermines, rather than celebrates, feminism and egalitarianism. Interestingly, I am quite sure that I could construct a coherent theological explanation for why submissive sexual practices are entirely consistent with the teaching of the Bible.
If it is primarily the erotic nature of this book that is alarming, then I'm not sure that this is a new issue (it certainly isn't for men). Living (and now raising children) in a culture where sex is everywhere has been a reality since I can remember. I just read Samson and the Pirate Monks, which details an honest (if extreme) struggle with sex and the church. I don't think that the church does a very good job of preemptively dealing with truly awkward discussions of any nature. My cousin (who also has a heart for adoption and works against sex-trafficking) wrote a lot about her frustration with church's unwillingness to discuss marital sex a few years ago (those blog posts are at http://www.mommymap.net/search/label/Sex).
As in all areas of faith, I think that when we are open, honest and authentic (despite the truly frightening awkwardness), the truth is both discovered and revealed. Aren't we all just looking for the truth? Thanks for always igniting a discussion.
Karen, thanks for the viewpoint. I heard about these books last week from a group of unbelieving friends/acquaintances. It crossed the line for them, but I didn't get a very clear picture about what it was about, other than the word "smutty" was bandied about - again, by unbelievers.
Would you say/suggest the Twilight series softened the average 30-something woman up to being more accepting of this series?
I didnt read the Twilight books, or watch the movies....have no interest in Vampires. I actually have very little time for leisure reading. (although I read the first 2 of the Hunger Games trilogy....probably most fiction Ive read in a decade....liked the first book, found the 2nd disturbing, didnt want to read the 3rd)
Im not suggesting that these books should be read, my point is that Im hearing a lot of people (most who have not read the books) talking about the S&M and "porn"...and I just found something very different in the books.
As far as it giving women the message that they need to change men, interestingly, the female character does not seek to change this man, actually, you see her trying to change herself to please him, and it's when she does that they have conflict. He is the one that changes, because he realizes that he loves her, and is willing to trust her and develop a true intimacy..not one based on pain and hurt.
It starts out by them meeting, and he begins to pursue her....and you immediately start to see him change.
I dont think there is any erotic material for several chapters, and even then, it's not S&M stuff.
The idea is that is what he wants, its all he ever knows, but for the first time he meets someone that actually reaches his heart.
Again, might not be for everyone, and Im not proclaiming it has redeeming value, Im just making the point that it's not an "S&M" "wife porn" book, but actually a story about someone learning to trust and love....that does have erotic passages.
Additionally, there are some completely non-sexual twists and turns to the story that keep the pages turning.
I find it interesting for people to make judgements on content and motive of the books, when they havent actually read them.
@Anonymous, I am not the one that originally defined it an BDSM mommy porn book. That is how it's been defined by mainstream media and the book industry: erotic fiction with elements of BDSM.
@AnneEncourager, yes I think I would say that Twilight helped softened the market.
Good evening, everyone. I'm a first-time poster. Here's my background: I'm a Christian, married for 20 years, and the mother of two. I'm a voracious reader. I enjoy both secular and faith-based books.
I picked up "Fifty Shades" because I wanted to know what the hype was about. I figured that if it made me uncomfortable, I could always stop reading it.
Ultimately, I read all three books, not because I liked the sexual content, but because I was intrigued by the characters:
Ana is a college grad who falls in love with (and ultimately marries) Christian, a young CEO who has been scarred by early neglect and sexual abuse. Christian thinks he is unworthy of love. For years, he has vented his hatred of his mother through perverse sexual practices. Christian tries to lure Ana into his deviant lifestyle, but ultimately, she redeems him through her love and he is the one who is changed.
The book is very graphic. It describes sexual practices I have never heard of. It is not for everyone, especially impressionable teen-agers. That said, I don't believe reading it would cause spiritual harm to a mature woman, particularly one who is grounded in faith.
It neither enhanced nor damaged my own relationship. My husband knows I read it and his only comment was, "Just imagine the outrage if there was a book like this geared toward men."
@Anonymous ... I completely agree with your description of the book. I am not a therapist and I got out of it the same as you did. As for the "pornography" in the book that is not what had me reading the whole trilogy what had me was the growth of both individuals. Christian trying to move past all the abuse & realizing he was deserving of love , Anastasia realizing that she is good enough to be loved although she does not fall under the mainstream of beauty. Their relationship was one of mutual respect, monogamy & ultimately resulted in committing to spend their lives with each other raising children with the love & stability that was not present in their lives.
@Deb, thanks for chiming in.
I'm curious about your husband's point. I'm wondering, would you be ok with your husband reading these books? And do you agree with him that there is a double standard there?
Karen,
My husband has not read a book, fiction or non-fiction, in the 22 years I have known him. However, if he were a reader, I would have no problem with him reading the "Fifty Shades" trilogy. (Then we could have an actual discussion about books!!!)
I would have a problem with him watching a pornographic movie, downloading porn from the internet or subscribing to Playboy. But he would never do any of those things anyway. He is very conservative.
Perhaps "pornography" needs to be defined. I think it is material that appeals to prurient interests with no literary merit.
I do not believe "Fifty Shades" fits that definition. Yes, it is a shockingly sexual book, but it has compelling characters. I kept turning the pages to find out how their story ended. The conclusion was very satisfying: They had a son and a new baby on the way. (Which leads to this question: would you consider the third book immoral? The characters are married by then.)
I am actually planning to discuss "Fifty Shades" at a girls night with some friends. One of my guests, a fellow Christian, decided not to participate after reading your blog. I am completely fine with her decision. I would never encourage her to do something that God does not want her to do.
God has clear rules that apply to everyone. However, there are also grey areas where we require discernment. Alcohol use, Trick-or-Treat, popular dance music and R-rated movies come to mind. A woman who is tuned in to God knows when an activity could cause her spiritual harm. Something that might be OK for you may not be something God wants for me. He knows all of our weaknesses after all.
Karen, awesome post, as always. I wrote a post a couple weeks ago along the same lines. And then wrote two more follow up posts because the comments and conversation that opened up kept going deeper into what the Bible says. It was actually a beautiful unfolding happening on my blog. And even though I did have to delete 2 comments for being outright inappropriate, some other commenters were very willing to go back and forth on these issues respectfully. I did not expect to be challenged as much as I was and in the end, I felt grateful for the spiritual exercise. Great job, sister.
Thanks, Karen, for a great post--so thoughtful and well-written. The book is indeed a much-talked about and read book and I, too, am saddened that it has caught the attention of so many. I've led a small group women's Bible study every year for about 41 years now (yes, I'm old--HA!) and in that role I've ministered to hundreds of women. So many of them have experienced sexual abuse, a sexually promiscuous background with all its consequences, etc., that it truly breaks your heart. But what I've found that they need from me is not a woman who "keeps current" on what society is thinking by reading graphic descriptions of it, but a woman who can convince them that God loves them dearly no matter what they've been through or what they've done. Indeed, they don't need--or even want--to describe the details--they want to hear of God's love for them and His power to heal their hearts.
I've always liked one of the paraphrases of Romans 12:2 that says, "Don't let the world squeeze you into its mold." I personally believe that if I were to read a book like this with the thought of "keeping up with what people are thinking," I would be letting the world squeeze me into its mold. We all have choices in this life of what we expose our minds to, and I SO want to stand before the Lord and not regret my choices. I know you do too, my sweet friend, as do your "commenters." Thanks for taking the time to write about this.
Donna (Susan's mom)
I find the feedback about the book, both from those who have read it, those who havent, and the media, to be quite interesting.
I have heard some media sources touting the books as "mommy porn", but I have heard other sources give a more accurate depiction of what is so "attractive" about this book.
Some in the media have noted that the male character is uber-wealthy, (he notes at one point that he makes approximately $100,000 per HOUR). He has drivers, housekeepers, cooks, and leads a life that seems like a big vacation. Both characters actually work, but other than that, so much is taken care of for them. The male character showers the female with gifts and attention...which she sometimes resists, and he points out that he wants to take care of her and make life as easy and enjoyable as possible for her.
If there is an aspect of this book that I might ENVY, it's not the sex, it's the idea that I could have a driver, a personal shopper a cook, etc......wouldnt that be a mommy dream? This is an attractive aspect of the book, and the reason that many are calling it a "working moms dream".
While the male character starts off with some troubling history, the couple strive for open communication and honesty, and this, along with unconditional love is what allows the man to realize he is able to be loved and does not need to communicate through pain.
I realize not everyone may appreciate the storyline, but I dont feel as if I have conformed to the world by reading them. There is a lot of redemption in this story and it actually is very heart warming. If it were just "sex", I think we would see other books topping the charts....as you can buy just "erotic" books, you dont need to go through hundreds of pages of relational story to get to the sex, if that is what someone wants.
I saw a television report about this book but I was not interested to know more about it. Your post was very enlightening. Kisses and God bless you.
Thank you for having the courage to speak up and encouraging me to do the same along with think beforehand of what I need to say about this book before I'm confronted with it.
I'm going to come up with an action plan! :-)
Thank you for standing up for Christ! And yes you might loose followers, but if you didn't I would have to question your Christianity!
Continue serving Him!
Look forward to connecting with you!
Thank you for this :) I've heard about it in the strangest of places. I was not happy to see it at Kmart and my 6 year old ask, "What's that?" talking about the book cover. Sure, the cover isn't that bad, but it was just uncomfortable.
I have a Christian blog, but I haven't read enough about 50 to blog about it (I don't think)... You did a great job!
I am a Christian woman, and I have read the books. Admittedly, I chose to read them in order to defend my position against them. However, after reading all three, I found that, as with many things, both main stream media and christians had gone to the extreme in their descriptions. What I have chosen to take from the books is the following: first, that sexual experimentation within a committed, respectful relationship is not wrong. Both people have to agree on what is alright, what is safe and what is not. Secondly, that honesty, respect and communication are absolutely necessary for a relationship to grow. Third, that love can conquer the worst demons a person faces.
My fear is that satan doesn't win with these books because of their content, but he wins because he creates discourse. I think the best thing we as Christian woman can do is read the books, pray about what God wants us to discern, and point out the things that are positive and enhancing to a relationship. Additionally, discuss the areas of concern, support those who have experienced abuse, and educate ourselves on what a safe, committed, fulfilling sexual relationship with our spouses should look like.
Our biggest battle as Christians isn't the secular books, movies, music, etc. that exist in our culture. Our battle is our stance on these areas. The quote "thou protesteth too much" just makes us look judgmental, rigid, and close minded. Instead, we need to turn secular culture around by taking on the secular culture. Instead of saying this is mommy porn, that it is demeaning to women, and encourages sexual bondage...how about noting the trust is shown in a committed relationship, how love can give an abused individual the strength and courage to address their demons and change they views of relationships, how a woman's sexuality is a gift. That's how we beat satan...by taking the wind out of his discourse, by not succumbing to his desire to divide christian versus non-christian, by turning around secular culture and pointing out even secular culture cannot deny, nor avoid, the underlying love of Christ in their messages.
Donna, I so agree with what you're saying. I found myself remembering an illustration: detectives who work with counterfeit money aren't taught to recognize it through studying counterfeit examples, but through studying the real thing. Likewise, as a Christian, I don't need to study things of the world to recognize whether or not they are beneficial or to know if they honor God. The more I study purity and truth, the easier I can recognize and combat that which is not.
In my working with hurting women, I don't need to hear every terrible detail of her past to show her love and help her in her healing. One of the most prominent women in Christian leadership today went through much abuse and reaches millions of women without sharing all of the details.
@Chris, you asked: do you think the danger lies in erotica generally, or in the BDSM nature of this particular book?
Yes and yes. I think erotica is dangerous because it removes us from the reality of our spouse. But even more so for me I am concerned with and offended by BDSM and what it does to objectify women, and cheapen an emotional, spiritual, and physical connection with your spouse. I think, as you do, that it is not only distasteful, but submission and male dominance/control are serious issues many women have struggled with that deserve a "no tolerance" policy.
Several of you are commenting as anonymous so for anonymous that commented at 6:16 (I don't know if you are the same anonymous as the others?), I completely disagree with you. Do you think that all discord is the work of the Enemy? The greater challenge with disagreements in the Body is having grace and respect for one another while we dialogue. Sadly what happens is we start name calling or responding in haste, and that's when it goes south.
You wrote: "Instead of saying this is mommy porn, that it is demeaning to women, and encourages sexual bondage...how about noting the trust is shown in a committed relationship, how love can give an abused individual the strength and courage to address their demons and change they views of relationships, how a woman's sexuality is a gift. That's how we beat satan." I believe if I said those things I would be endorsing this book, which I cannot do. I don't believe we beat Satan by reading this book and ignoring the negatives within its pages while praising the positives. I also don't think that engaging in culture today means we participate in all things pop culture, or that by choosing (and advocating) not to read them that I am unable or unwilling to engage in culture, that I'm being judgemental or rigid or closed minded. It concerns me that, in an attempt to restore the image of the Church or the negative perceptions people have of the Church, that we would go so far as to buy, praise, or spend our time reading what is not only not edifying, but also harmful.
Wow, you've given me an education today. (One I'd rather not have, but essential!! =) Thank you so much! I agree with so many of your commenters here. (I also really like your response immediately before mine here.)
Let's be salt and light. All of this grieves me, but what a great reminder it is to me that "He who is in us is greater than He who is in the world." Thanks for challenging us to DO something too. I'm hoping to link to this post on my blog as soon as I can snatch a little time.
One more thought: What an critical job we have as parents! To be intentional in a world that really desires to snatch our children from us.
Well said, Karen. I found out about your site and this article in particular from Christy at One Fun Mom! Thank you so much for having the courage and the wisdom to write this, to allow Jesus to guide you in sharing this with us so we too can be prepared for the battle that lies ahead. It seems so evident that we're living in the end times now and now more than ever we need to be praying for a revival (and allowing God to use us as His instruments of revival) in the hearts of men, women and children. If we keep our heads buried in the sand and just pretend all these things aren't happening (as you alluded to) then we are living in a bubble and not allowing God to use us to help change lives. Thank you again for your boldness and your wisdom in recognizing that we need to IN the world (ministering and influencing), but not OF the world! Blessings, Kelly
I have to leave one more comment, after reading so many women who claim Christ as their LORD rationalizing about the merits of this book ... I think a better title would be, "50 Shades of Grey Areas" - in other words, how far do we want to go with these grey areas in our lives?
As Christians we need to think about whether or not what we're doing with our time, resources and lives is glorifying to God? Would Jesus be pleased with us reading this book? In what way would it please Him and magnify Him? How does reading books like these bring us closer to Him or help to glorify Him? Would we give these books to a new Christian or those we're trying to reach for Christ as acceptable reading materials? If not, why not? And if not, why are we reading them???
Again, how far are we willing to compromise in pushing the envelope of grey areas we allow in our lives?
As followers of Christ, we are told to abhor what is evil and hold fast to what is good (Romans 12:9 ). It's interesting to me that some are claiming they are spiritually mature enough to handle the content of these books, but that teens should not read them. God's word tells us the mark of spiritual maturity is the ability to discern good from evil (Hebrews 5:14). And those who discern something as evil, steer clear of it, not participate in it.
Let's not be deceived by Satan into thinking that it's okay to read books about individuals having sex outside of marriage, because "they are learning about love and how to trust and heal from their past." Really? Does learning to love start with sex? Or does learning to love start with Christ and a recognition of our sin, a repentant heart that realizes the immense love of the God-man who gave up all the glory of heaven to take on the punishment for sin that we rightly deserve in order to give us salvation in His name - to save us not only from eternal death, but to give us life in Him - not that we can turn around and live for our own earthly desires, but our calling as CHRISTians is to live for Him who died for us.(2 Cor 5:15) It is only then that we can truly learn to love others the way Christ loves.
And this is the love the world needs to hear about. Not hear us (if we're His children) justifying books about LUST packaged as love, nor does redemption from pain come through a sexual relationship.
I'm not trying to be harsh, we just need a wake-up call to think about what we're doing here and get our lives in line with God's perfect will and plan – which is the furtherance of His Kingdom and being sold out for Christ and Him alone as the Lord of our lives.
Many prayers that God will work revival in the hearts of His church and this world, Kelly
"Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices in truth!"
(1 Cor 13:6)
Oh my word, Kelly at Nourishing Home, you couldn't have written a better response. So RIGHT ON. Truth spoken in grace. These are excellent questions to be asking ourselves. Thank you to you and Karen and a host of others - it is heartening to hear you all. =)
@Kelly at Nourishing Home
Exactly!
@kelly at nourishing home
amen!! so right on. great questions, totally in line with God's heart. i echo your sentiments about women who profess Christ, turning around and reading these books. i also find it odd that most of them posted on this blog anonymously. i wonder if they also discreety bought the ebook?
@karen
excellent post. thank you for your wise words and counsel. it's so good to finally see women in the Body taking a (public) stand against these books.
i'm new to the blog - not the same anonymous(es?) from earlier.
I think that there's a lot to be said for the lives of people who are reading these books.
Some facts: I'm a 25 year old, single, virgin female. I have dated in the past, but there has been no physical interaction other than making out. I am a Christian and I was raised in a Christian home. I value my relationship with God, and I strive to live the life he wants me to lead.
I read all of these books--but I read them when they were fanfiction posted online, called "Master of the Universe." It was fun. It made me realize that I want a relationship (not a BDSM one though). Yes, it gave a little more detail about certain things that I didn't really care to read....so I skipped that part. At its core, 50 Shades is a love story. It's about two people who come to love and care for each other deeply. Yes, there's a lot more to it than that, but boiled down, that's what you have. I think that's why people are reading it. It's not for the sex scenes, it's not for the BDSM....it's for the tale of a love story that every woman dreams about. We all have that little bit in us that wants to be protected and nurtured and cared for. And we all have that side that wants to experience the bad boy--c'mon who didn't want to date the bad boy in high school. For at least 2 minutes.
I don't remember much of the books. I read them...2 years ago I guess? Other than the love premise, the rest of the story was just fluff. I skipped/skimmed the parts that weren't vital to the story, and I didn't dwell on them. Do I kind of wish I hadn't read them--yes. Did I read them--yes. Can't change that now.
I'm curious if there isn't a deeper problem permeating our society. Why is it that women--Christian and not--are FLOCKING to this book? Could it be that there is something missing in their marriage? Could they be lonely? Do they feel like they've been abandoned and have to run away to a book?
Is it possible that books such as this can actually help reignite the spark in a marriage that may be falling apart? Can these books destroy a marriage with romantic notions of a world that doesn't really exist?
There's two sides to every coin. Just like these books. While I wouldn't recommend reading them, and indeed I'm embarrassed to let people know I read them because they assume that I'm into porn, I think we should also delve deeper into WHY our friends and family are reading them instead of condemning those who have read them.
I don't mean to offend anyone, but there's more to the story than "it's just wrong."
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